Monday, Monday

Even though I'm not working, Monday has sucked big time for me today. I'm trying to get myself together to start a new job and it just seems as if there's kink after kink after kink on the way there. This time it's an auto insurance issue, and I don't quite know how to solve it.

I am, however, totally addicted to True Blood, an HBO show about a bunch of vampires, shape shifters, Maynids, werewolves and a couple of telepaths. Though I've read most of the books that the tv show is based around (the Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris), the show has diverged from her original story lines in not too bad of a way. Might I say that I am crushing hard on Alexander Skarsgård, who plays Eric Northman on the show. Whoo. I tell ya. He is so hot he makes me want to slap HIS grandma. I've watched every episode of the show and am angry that I have to wait from week to week for more.

In the odd news today: a case of Karma biting someone in the ass.

Val Kilmer wants to open a Bed & Breakfast in his Northern New Mexico home, but his neighbors said "Oh Hell No."

Apparently, Mr. Kilmer made some not-very-nice remarks about 80% of the people in his home county being drunks and opining that he understands Vietnam better than its veterans, because most of them were "borderline criminal or poor … wretched kids" who landed in the military because they "got beat up by their dads" or "couldn't finagle a scholarship." [This is a quote from the article.]

Nice.

They will let him get his Bed & Breakfast... if he apologizes. If I were them, I don't know if I would be that forgiving.

Of course, 80% of my home county are drunks, crack heads, prescription pill junkies or just downright mean. I don't profess to know anything about the Vietnam War, however, since it was over by the time I was three. Good thing I'm not attempting to open up a Bed & Breakfast, because this county never forgives anything. Do something bad when you're fifteen and you'll still be hearing about it when you're ninety.

In even weirder news, a German guy attacked a group of Hell's Angels (yes, the motorcycle club) by throwing a puppy at them. The first thing I wondered was wtf? The second was if the puppy was ok. My third thought was "wonder if it was a German Shepherd." My last thought, of course, was lmfao.

One more for the road?

I can do it!

The Pakistani Assistant Attorney General wants the head of FaceBook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, on a silver platter for a "Draw Muhammad" contest run on the site in May. Here we go again, Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

My picture of Mohammad?

Not to be confused with Buddy Christ:

Have a great day, y'all.

Oh Lohan!

In today's strange and amusing news, Lindsay Lohan's mother, Dina, decided to call the cops because Carvel Ice Cream denied her a free birthday cake. Apparently, the rich and famous get a "black" card from Carvel entitling them to free ice cream for seventy-five years. LiLo's mom, however, isn't one of those people.

I'm guessing the card is to bring celebrities into their stores, because Carvel refused Dina Lohan's free ice cream request based on the fact that Lindsay didn't accompany her to the store. And, apparently, LiLo's friends have family have been burning up the card, making management pretty pissed.

The best thing about the article? This quote from Dina Lohan: "It just shows how we [Lohans] get treated so much worse than regular people."

My reaction? HOLY SHIT, BATMAN! These people deserve free ice cream? I understand it's for promotional purposes to get more people into the store, but why do people who have tons of money get these kinds of perks? And then they complain when they're denied? I don't even want to get started on what makes Dina Lohan think she's any different from regular people. Maybe because her daughter is a fire crotch?

Lindsay Lohan isn't even a real celebrity anymore. She made a few movies and then got even more famous for her no-panties crotch shots and DUIs than anything else.

Is this the type of person Carvel wants promoting their ice cream??


In other other news, I wrote a check today to a local store. It wasn't my checkbook. Of course I had permission to write the check, but the lady behind the counter only asked me to write two phone numbers (I could have made them up) and my driver's license number (I could have faked it) on the check. She didn't even ask to see my driver's license! I could have been anybody! I have often wondered why there are so many check forgery crimes in this area, and now I know. I guess I'm just used to living in the city (or at least a much larger town) where they practically want your ID for everything.

Also, if you haven't tried Mrs. Freshley's cream filled honey buns with chocolate frosting, well, you should.

Cause I'm A Soul Man

"it's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."

I love writing about something I love, and today I'm on a mission from God.

The Vatican, for the thirtieth anniversary of the film The Blues Brothers, has decided to claim the movie as a Catholic work. I find this freaking hilarious.

The Vatican must be on a roll towards making themselves cooler (something I also noted with this year's CMT Music Awards - they had a drunken Kid Rock having a party back stage). They must be trying to connect with a broader audience, since all the kiddie molestations by their priests are driving folks away in droves. The article talks about the morality behind the Brothers' "mission from God" to get their band back together and pay off the back taxes at the orphanage.

Somewhere along the line, references to sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll must have gotten lost upon the people who made this decision. Not to mention the biggest car chase in movie history.

I think the Catholic Church just wants to claim something cool. Not sure how I like that.


In other news, I started another new blog to host the recipes I've collected over the years. You can find Price Family Recipes here.

In other, other news I've accepted a new job. Go me!

And that's all the news that's fit to blog.

Dang

I know I'm fat, but my three-hundred and forty-seven pounds (yeah, I can admit it) doesn't compare with the ladies at SuperSizedBombshells. I found the site from a Yahoo news story about Donna Simpson, who is going for the Guinness Book record for the world's heaviest woman. She's already over 600 pounds.

I find this as well as a trend to beautify extremely heavy women to be alarming. While I agree that everyone needs help with their self image, it's disturbing to me that some women out there are exploiting themselves just because of their weight. While some heavy women are very attractive, fat itself isn't pretty, people.

My fat isn't pretty. Because of my weight, I have very bad asthma (also from smoking,I might add, I'm a double dipshit), weak and painful joints, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes and a whole slew of physiological problems that come from the insecurities I have with being fat. Not to mention the three miscarriages I've had that could possibly be attributed to my weight. Live with that, will ya?

Glorifying fat is a mistake. I also have problems with men who only date very heavy women. What's the motivation? Every man who I've ever met that said he only wanted to date fat chicks was looking for a woman with insecurities so he could make her submissive to his every need. (Note: I am not talking about men who fall in love with heavy women, those guys are most likely seeing the woman on the inside and loving the whole package. Hurrah for them and the lucky women they're with for not falling prey to social stereotypes!)

To make a long post even longer, I guess what I'm trying to say is love a fat chick for who she is, not because you want to see her in videos online eating Twinkees and waddling to her car. And I seriously hope that Ms. Simpson comes to her senses before she kills herself in the process of acquiring that world's record.

Hump Day

For those of you totally addicted to FaceBook, you'd probably like FailBook. It shows the sad and sometimes hilarious side of human stupidity straight from the pages of FaceBook.

I started the "big cleanup" today. We're (or rather I am) going to be getting rid of everything that we don't need or use. It's a tall order, but I want this place in top shape by the end of the summer. I do most of the work late at night when it's cooler since only one room of our house has an air conditioner. We're putting one upstairs in the bedroom, but J hurt his knee and probably shouldn't do any lifting right now.

In the funnies today, an animal waste worker found $58 in cash in some dog dirt. This is wrong on just so many levels. The first level being that the company's name is DoodyCalls. Secondly, how rich and lazy do you need to be to hire someone to come and clean your dog's crap? And who would leave that much cash (I'm poor) laying around for a dog to eat? Also, can this crap cleaner come to my house? The pen needs to be raked again. Urghh.

And, from the Buffalo News comes the story of two Canadian dudes found drunk and coverd in mud in the woods. They had apparently gotten trashed at a church carnival (St John de La Salle? Town or a church?) and decided to Woodstock it. I didn't think Canadian guys had it in them, Americans are supposed to be the crazies.

Harumph

I obviously need a computer that's not hooked up to the internet. FarmVille, FrontierVille, and Face Book are taking up all of my time. And I have a lot of time.

In other news, I found an article today about Bam Margera getting attacked by a 59 year-old woman. Funny stuff. After all of his Jackass stunts, he got it for real from an old lady. In the article, she called him a racist, and there's no mention of what actually started the kerfuffle. Knowing Bam from following his shows, he probably whipped out his birdie and the old lady got offended. (Side note: if you've seen the end of the movie Jackass, then you know that she had a LOT to be offended about!)

Also in the news, Touchdown Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground. Apparently, Jesus is made from Styrofoam. Therefore, he must not be eco-friendly. The Christian god hath smote his only son twice now! The article itself isn't very interesting, but the comments are hilarious! There are apparently several camps regarding what actually happened to the melted messiah. Those who think the bonfire was a sign from God that the end is coming, those who think that Hay-Seuss was burned up because "thou shalt make no idol and worship it" or something like it, and the people who think that Zeus is pissed at Jesus. I think there were also a few comments there from people who think the Democrats are responsible. I seriously don't think the Al Gore types are about going around burning up Styrofoam. They certainly wouldn't want all those polystyrene fumes in the air.