Blowing Mud

A while ago, I wrote a post about euphemisms for getting your period. Today we're going in a different, but equally disgusting direction. How can you tactfully say "I've got to shit" without making people nauseous.

My personal favorites are "the green apple splatters" and "bubble guts." I found some others that made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to have to "commit myself to the dumpatorium." Of course, you can always "storm the castle."

Euphemisms for taking a shit:

• Download some mudware.
• Fill the peanut butter jar
• Hit paydirt
• Make a grunt scuplture
• Paint the bowl
• Punish the porcelain
• Sink the Bismark
• Barbarians at the gate
• Bunghole train has left the station
• Contaminating the dog dish
• Drilling for mud bunnies
• Helping the ground hog find his shadow
• Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages
• Polluting the pond
• Singing with Michael Bolton (?)

Euphemisms for diarrhea:

• Brownie batter
• Liquid bummer
• The Schlitz
• Code brown emergency
• The Tijuana two-step
• Number three (two plus one!)
• The chunky sputters

Euphemisms for farting:

• Anal salute
• Let each little bean be heard
• Rebuilding the ozone layer
• Trouser cough
• Barking spiders (if you stomp your feet when you fart, you can announce you're "killing the barking spiders")

You MUST read the "fart etiquette" part of this page.