Saturday, December 31, 2011

Out With The Old

A wise person (me) once said "If at first you don't succeed, kick somebody in the balls. It won't help them at all, but you'll be amused for at least ten minutes (that's approximately how long it takes someone to recover from being kicked in the balls... so you'll have a head start)."

So I didn't succeed a lot this year, not in ways that I wanted to anyway. What I ended up with was a slightly more acute vision of myself and the world around me. Since a lot of my friends and family are making "Year in Review" blog posts and such, I decided to be a lemming. Here's my take on what happened to me in 2011.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

If I Could Make A Soundtrack for The Walking Dead

I gave this a lot of thought, and this is what I came up with as a (metal) soundtrack at least for season one. Thirteen is a good number, no?

1. Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train

2. Metallica - The Thing That Should Not Be

3. Korn - Bitch We Got A Problem

4. Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams

5. Pantera - Drag The Waters

6. Disturbed - Land of Confusion

7. Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath

8. Drowning Pool - Bodies

9. Slipknot - Everything Ends

10. Type O Negative - Everything Dies

11. Slayer - South of Heaven

12. Dope - Die Motherfucker Die

13. White Zombie - Children of the Grave

What would be on yours?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Miscellaneous But Amusing Shit

Oh, I've been LOLing all afternoon.

There is a "Christian" website that I was trolling till I realized it's probably a satire site. At least I hope it's a satire site. What brought me to the page in the first place was an article titled Eminem: Portrait of a Christian Hero. I LOLed. Seriously. Then I hit on an article titled Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How To Perform "Rim Jobs" and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers? Also available on is a series of 51 Christian-friendly words for different things, like butthole (the rude sneezer), homosexuals (my favorite: clam dabbler), and testicles (Florida hairy speed bags?). Yeah, much LOLing to do on that site.

The other funny haha is the Google search terms that are bringing people to this blog. My most recent favorites: "is excessive farting grounds for divorce," "top ten fat women rock singers," and "riding the cotton pony panties."

Yeah. Google does make the world go round.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Top Ten Female Rock Singers

I was making a new station on Pandora One a little while ago, and I only wanted female rock singers. I came up with some of the usual suspects on my own, but I wanted a little variety so I googled "greatest female rock singers." I will readily admit I WTF a lot, but I actually said, out loud, WHAT THE FUCK when I read some of the lists the results pointed me to. I have questions.

  • How the HOLY HELL is Mariah Carey a rock singer? Did I fall off the planet and get sucked into an alternate reality where shrilly screaming pop princesses are considered rock stars? The only way I can even see her fitting into the category at all is if only her "crazy" were considered. Cause, yeah, some rock stars catch that pretty easily.
  • Alison Mosshart? Maja Ivarssen? Sharon Foo? What? Who the fuck are these people? I'm not saying they suck. What I am saying is how the fuck do they make the "top" lists when I, a certified pop culture whore, have never heard of them?
  • Pink is NUMBER 158? What? Are crack monkeys making these lists? 
Damn. I do get a little heated over little things, so I better get off of that subject before I have a stroke. 

I'm making my own list for posterity's sake. And, since those evil ass monkeys can make their insipid little lists (with Whitney Houston on them), I get to put whoever the hell I want to on mine. Feel free to comment with your favorites, or bitch me out about my taste in women, er, music (if you dare). My list is in the order I think of them, not in any other particular order (because the hamsters in my head are a fickle bunch).

Free Blogger Templates