Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I Don't Care Who You Are, That's Funny Right There

The movies I watch are a diverse lot. I like action flicks (if there's some shit blowing up, getting set on fire, dismembered or run over with a truck, I'm on it), I like horror movies and fantasy flicks (think Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings) and I love movies with post-apocalyptic plots (like The Road and The Book of Eli).

I do like me some comedies, though. From Animal House to The Toy to The Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles and Ghostbusters, I pretty much like all of them that do not wear the label "romantic comedy." Those usually suck ass. (My opinion, remember?)

I thought I would make a little list of some of the coolest comedies I've seen in the last few of years. Maybe you will see one listed here that you want to watch. If you've seen something awesome that didn't make this post, feel free to comment with it.

All links go to the Internet Movie Database (IMDB).

Nothing Good Can Come of This

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. - Anonymous

Not a day goes by that we don't see either some ad for a diet product, or some study on how America has the most Cartmans fat assed kids in the whole world. What we're eating is important. How we're eating it is, too. Just today I saw an article about how McDonald's is going to half the size of the orders of fries in the Happy Meals targeted at children. They're even going to be putting apples in each of those happy little boxes.

A couple things in the news today have caught my eye and I've decided I want to talk about them.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Holy Shit, It's Monday

Good Lordy whoady, you must be gone off that water bottle. 

Found in the headlines today:

Mom convicted in son's jay walking death. Yeah. I had to read that twice, too. Ok. I'll break the article down for you. Mom and three kids got off a bus in Marietta, GA and, instead of crossing the street at an intersection, she took them across 3/10 of a mile from it. Some drunken redneck* ran over the four year old boy, killing him. (EDIT: I think I read that all of them got hit except for one girl that ran ahead, I could be wrong, though.) The drunken redneck served six months of a five year sentence for the hit and run. Mom was convicted of homicide by vehicle and reckless conduct and could get a 2.5 year sentence. This was also the drunken redneck's third hit and run. THIRD. Personally, I hold mom responsible. The whole three times I've been out in public and responsible for other people's kids, I've been paranoid about anything happening to them. I don't even drive the speed limit with kids in the car. But this woman already has to live with the death of her son on her hands. Taking her away from her surviving children for what will amount to six times the sentence the drunken redneck served is unacceptable. How can they even convict her of homicide by vehicle when she wasn't driving?

Knights Templar: In Mexico, Like Norway, Criminals Look To Past For Legitimacy. The breakdown: There is a Mexican drug cartel calling itself the Knights Templar, and they're using a moral "code of conduct" in their dirty drug dealings (which also include pillaging, raping and plundering - not to mention murder). Now they're saying that the dude that blew up Norway last week considers himself to be a Templar. What? Did Norway Dude have to whack ninety some people in order to protect Mary Magdalene the Holy Grail? And what does dealing the ganja have to with a medieval order that invented banking and strong armed anybody that pissed off the Catholic church? Not a goddamned thing, that's what.

Not related: It's raining again. Today is AWESOME!

Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy because they're using a model that looks like her in their new ad campaign. She's hoping to get $20 MILLION out of the lawsuit. Fu... what? For real? Is she going to sue Reggie Bush for fucking said look-alike? Want to know what I think about this? Really? Fuck a bunch of Kim Kardashian. And fuck anybody that wants to look like her. You think she's natural? Fuck no. I don't care about her stupid x-rays, her ass is as fake as Nicki Minaj's. Remember, this is a woman whose mother is married to Bruce Jenner, but is considering changing her last name back to Kardashian (her dead former husband that she divorced before he died's last name) just so she can cash in on... whatever the fuck they do for money. This is the second most fucked up family in America... right behind the Lohans.

Jesus. I get so bent out of shape over stupid people. But... without them, I'd have nothing to blog about.

In other news: Neil Patrick Harris is on the Daily Show tonight. Real must watch tv.

In other, other news, wanted me to write a review for the lap top fan I bought this month, but their stupid form thinger wouldn't let me submit it. Fuck you, Fuck you.

*I embellished the redneck part, but dude was actually (and admittedly) drunk and high on prescription painkillers.

Them Bones

I believe them bones are me.

I read Russell Brand's post about Amy Winehouse today. It was enlightening and the first thing I'd ever read that was about Amy the person instead of Amy the drug addict.

I'm seeing a lot of things differently tonight.

I got put into a position where I had to choose sink or swim. I chose to swim, but I had to ask for help in doing it.   Proverbs 16:18 says "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." (Yes, I quoted the bible, goddamnit.) I don't know a fuck of a lot about haughty spirits (the ghost of Toreadors past?), but my pride sure took a beating. Was it worth it? Ultimately, yes. I'm learning that, sometimes, when someone says they love you, they really mean it. And that old saying "when times are the hardest, you find out who your friends are" really is true. What's that? Did you just say "Georgie, I want another cliché?" I'm in an obliging mood, so here's another: If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. And I sure as hell ain't dead yet. (An awesome stop on the frequently derailing train of thought that is Georgie's stream of consciousness: Cliche Finder.)

I saw a picture of Kristin Stewart all geared up for Snow White. It's the first picture of her I've ever seen her looking hot in. I do love me a chick in armor.

It's 3:00 in the morning now, and the day's been an emotional roller coaster, topped by a hug from a sweaty Yeti. (I am, actually honored. Yeti's do not hug often.) The children are nestled all snug in their beds and the house is quiet. It's a good time for reflection. "Some dance to remember, some dance to forget."

I think we've all done things we're not proud of. We've hurt the people we loved and lashed out at those who just wanted to help. Pride gets in the way a lot, I guess. "They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast." I've let people who didn't deserve my love come between me and blood family. I've gotten so involved in my own shit that I've lost touch with the people around me. I've cut people off when they needed me the most. I always expected those things to come back to bite me, and they always have. defines karma as "the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny." I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in karma. Whatever you do in life always comes back to you, one way or another. We always get what we deserve. "Sooner or later, Georgie, they all float down here."

I think today I learned that good karma comes back too, and I learned it in a big way. I'm still stunned, floored if you will. I smiled. I cried. I felt like a million bucks. I felt like Sally Field. "You like me, you really like me!"

In actual news today, I read about the first legal same-sex marriages in the state of New York. They talked about a lesbian couple who were aged 76 and 84 and have been together for 23 years. I cried again. I made a comment on another blog about all the shit going wrong in the world today that it's awe-inspiring to see something like this. Somewhere in the world, something is going right. 

Goodnight, sweetheart. Goodnight. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

To Watch Or Not To Watch, That Is The Question

I decided I wanted to make a list of my favorite current television shows. Meaning the ones that are still on the air. These are in no particular order. And they often cause my DVR to smoke unnecessarily.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Love, Or Something Like It

What follows is my Win Amp playlist of "love" songs. As you can probably tell, I'm something of a cynic/downright asshole. Or, I really, REALLY have a sense of humor.

Till My Hip Don't Hop No More

I've been on a big hip-hop kick lately. No, I don't know why. But I thought I'd do a detailed list of my current top twenty favorite hip-hop songs. (Notice how I said that? "My favorites." Meaning I don't necessarily give a shit about what rap is the best ever. I like what I like.) My list probably won't look like yours, and that's ok. You might even think mine's wrong. That's ok too. Dance to the beat of your own drum, dude. Mine's taken. These aren't in any particular order. Who needs order? It's overrated. Oh, and all links go to YouTube. Which is ubiquitous. Like Jesus, and the clap.

Now, no bitching. We all know that rap is chock full of questionable lyrics and misogyny. And drugs and drinking and killing people. And hos and blunts and, well, shit, just about everything. I won't get on a soapbox here about people who use any form of entertainment to blame for dirty deeds (Columbine and Manson, anyone?), but people seriously need to get their shit together. Bad parenting is bad parenting with or without a song that says "...slowly she gets in and I begin to lynch her with sixty-six inches of extension cord." If your kid is that damned impressionable then you need to take him to a shrink. And if you bought your twelve year old that CD with the parental advisory sticker on it, knowing damn good and well that your kid isn't ready for that kind of content... well, then FUCK YOU.

Anyway, here's my list. Like it. Or don't.

Book Review: Fire (Elements of The Undead) by William Esmont

Fire (Elements of The Undead) by William Esmont

No one knows what caused the dead to rise. No one knows what caused them to attack the living. Fighting for their lives, scattered survivors find the attempted cure to be almost worse than the disease.

In the twilight of a shattered civilization, the fate of humankind rests upon the actions of a handful of war-weary survivors. Driven to a scorched corner of the former United States, they alone hold the key to a global reawakening.

Or the final epitaph for a dead planet.

I was excited about getting my hands on this one for a few reasons. First of all, I am a huge horror fan. Secondly this one is about zombies. ZOMBIES. And, of course, I love post-apocalyptic themed fiction.

As the book begins, we are given an almost dizzying introduction to several of what will become the book's main characters. Some notables being Megan, who is a prostitute, Alicia is a grocery store clerk, Jack and Becka are New Mexican parents of two girls, and Cesar is a potential Mexican immigrant hell bent on finding his way through the desert to the promised land. We follow their stories and watch as their personal horrors unfold when the dead start to walk the earth. It gets even worse when the collective governments decide on a way to rid the most heavily populated places on the globe of the walking dead. 

In a lot of ways, this is a pretty standard zombie tale. Dead people start shuffling after live people, trying to eat their brains and everybody freaks out. The fittest survive and shore up in a defensible place to try and restart the world as they knew it. 

The difference here is the human angle and the struggle not only to survive but to effectively re-learn how to live. The inter-personal relationships here are important and offer a lot of insight into and development of the characters' lives. 

With that said, I do have some problems with this book. First of all, being as familiar as I am with the whole horror genre (whether it be movies, television or fiction) I feel that I've seen all this before. The book draws very strong comparisons to the AMC original show The Walking Dead with a few of the twists from Stephen King's The Stand thrown into the mix. And, in all honesty, the switching from character to character became somewhat confusing. I found myself having to go back and remind myself which person was which. I understand why the author did this, but it doesn't make it any easier to follow. The final, and probably most disturbing of all of the issues I had with this book is that it is an obvious beginning of a series. Sometimes I'm ok with this but, in this instance, it just aggravated me to know that I'm going to have to wait for these conflict resolutions. If I choose to read the sequel, which I may not. 

All in all, this book is well written and entertaining, if unoriginal. There are some heartbreaking moments and we do feel sympathy for the characters and their struggles. 

On a zero to five scale with zero being the worst, this book gets THREE STARS!

Buy Fire (Elements of The Undead) by William Esmont from

I Ain't Got Seventy Days

They tried to make her go to rehab, she said no, no, no. 

Woke up to the news that Amy Winehouse was found dead in her apartment Saturday. Though her death was considered "suspicious" by police, I don't feel that the autopsy and resulting toxicology report will surprise anyone. I've seen reports that her friends and family are "shocked" and "devastated" by her death, and maybe they are. But this wasn't a shocking tragedy like the death of Heath Ledger. We all knew that Ms. Winehouse had a drug/alcohol problem. So what's with the shock and awe?

Wasn't it just a couple of months ago that she got booed offstage at Belgrade because she was stumbling around onstage and couldn't remember the words to her own songs? And didn't she cancel the same tour after that with the excuse that she needed to go home and recover.

I wonder what happened to her support group of friends and family. Was she so far gone that they'd already abandoned her? Know where her dad was when she died? From Yahoo News: The singer's father, Mitch Winehouse, had arrived in New York this weekend to prepare for his U.S. performing debut Monday night at the Blue Note jazz club, but upon receiving news of his daughter's death was heading back home to London to be with his family, his publicist Don Lucoff said.

So, less than two months after his daughter got out of rehab and just over a month after she cancels her European tour due to her obvious drug problem, pop is in New York riding her coattails starting up his own music career. Awesome.

I just hope that she didn't die like Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith. The people around them enabled them and provided the substances that the celebrities wanted/needed. 

I think what annoys me even more is that Amy became a celebrity pretty much on account of being fucked up all the time. Sure, she had one big hit (in the US). But anybody else would have faded into obscurity after their fifteen minute timer went off. She was kept in the headlines with awful pictures and tabloid stories. 

Yeah. Like that one. 

So why is the death of a known drug addict front page news? Are we all rubber necking on the internet now? Now, I'm not saying that her death wasn't a tragedy or that it isn't something to be sad over. 

But who's next? Lindsay Lohan? Charlie Sheen? 

And why do we really care?

Friday, July 15, 2011

On Blogger Templates And Having Too Much Time On My Hands

Along with making a new blog comes life altering choices like "what do I want my blog to look like," and "what do I want to feature on my page," and "holy shit, why do I have so much time on my hands?" Well, that last one is probably me-specific, but I'm diverging. Or derailing.

I spent an inordinate amount of time scouring the internet for free templates and this is where I found this one. It's cute. I want one with zombies on it, though, or vampires that don't sparkle, or Eminem (preferably naked). So I guess I'm going to spend what Paranormal State calls dead time trying to figure out how to make blogger templates. I've already fired up Photoshop and am scouring the net for pictures to use. I am so awesome at this shit, albeit a  bit rusty. Ok. More than a bit. I suck at Photoshop anymore and have to look up tutorials on how to do anything

Speaking of doing anything, I managed to make a few bucks off of another story today. Want to know how? Check this page out. And yes, I write nasties. It bought me this bottle of Diet Pepsi so I do not digress. Love me for who I am, not for who you want me to be. 

Parting thought? 

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss 

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Book Review: A Grim Pact by Adam Slade

A Grim Pact by Adam Slade

Adam Slade returns us to the urban fantasy world we first came to love in A Reaper's Tale. Mal the Grim Reaper is back in this tale which begins the day after the previous story's end.

This book opens to yet another intrusion into Mal's private life (and living room), when he is handed an assignment by his new apparition (or handler), a demon named Rufus. And then Xyla, Mal's new live-in girlfriend drops a bomb on him... Death is awake. Yes, THAT Death.

Things quickly go from bad to worse... demons are being offed and no one knows why. It's up to Mal and his band of friends to figure this one out, and quickly. Help comes from unusual places and Mal is never one to run from a challenge. (Not that he can run, his leg is still broken from his previous adventures.)

We see most of the characters from the first book returning in the second and their stories are expounded. The interpersonal relationships between the characters is extraordinary and none of these people are superfluous to the plot. My personal favorites are D'agryn and O'Hara, a demon couple defying conventions. And Charlie the Cat. Can never forget Charlie the Cat!

My favorite line in the whole book? "Nobody puts Xyla in a corner."

Mr. Slade guides this book from plot point to plot point with ease, never leaving us wondering where we've been, but rather where we're going. This story is told flawlessly and hilariously.

I absolutely recommend this tale to anyone who enjoys urban fantasy or who simply likes to read well written, involved and seriously funny stories. Personally, I can't wait for the next installment!

On a zero to five scale with zero being the worst, this book gets FIVE STARS!

A Grim Pact by Adam Slade is available for Kindle on Available in most other digital formats at SmashWords.

Meet Moochelle Obama

Yahoo dot come has outdone itself. While their front page news reports are most often centered around the entertainment industry anymore (remember La Lohan's mom's problems with Carvel Ice Cream, Lady Gaga's new album and Kim Kardashian's corn rows? All front and center), today they took shots at First Lady Michelle Obama's 1700 (or 1500, depending on which site you read) calorie lunch at a Washington DC area burger joint. Mrs. Obama, who is an outspoken proponent of eating healthy and exercising (especially for children), is apparently not allowed to be human and indulge herself once in a while. The article is here.

As I watched the little video (with a thirty second commercial before hand for a one minute and forty-five second clip. The joke's on Yahoo, though, because my ADD has already let me forget what the ad was for - but the song used was "Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This"), I sat here with WTF written all over my face. At least I think I did. I don't have a mirror handy and probably wouldn't look in it if I had it. But (derailments aside), Mrs. Obama had a cheeseburger, fries, chocolate shake and... a Diet Coke. 

Comments from the article (unedited... some of these people are obviously mentally challenged and/or could benefit from a good dose of shut the fuck up spell check):

"what a hippo-crit"

"KILL THAT BLACK B TOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"how dare THIS CONDESENDING $$%#% tell me how to eat. she and her husband make MILLIONS! when HE IS DONE putting this country in the poor house... we'll be lucky if we can eat at all"

"went right to her getto butt on our dimes!!!"

".President Hussein wants us to eat our peas and his wife devours a side of beef"

"EVERYTHING Obama and his wife Chewbacca does is for show. Plastic people controlled by handlers."

"she,s a tank already the uglyest first lady? ever"

"It's MUCH Cheaper to throw a few Cheese Burgers at MOO-SHELL than to have her flying around in Air Force One from Million Dollar Vacation to Million Dollar Vacation.......

With a Booty that BIG.....Air Force One is going to need new engines before our next president uses it....."

There was one calling her a slut for eating a freaking cheeseburger, but Yahoo is being a douche and won't let me go that far back. 

Update: I just found out that Yahoo is deleting comments. Joy of all joys. Some of them really needed to be deleted.

Two questions: 

1. Who really gives a shit what Michelle Obama (or anyone else for that matter) has for lunch?

2. What gives anyone the right to call somebody a slut for eating a fucking cheeseburger?

What I think disturbed me the most though, was the racist bent of some of these internet-emboldened commenters seemed to thoroughly enjoy. Folks, this might come as a complete shock to you, but I'm white. I'm a fat and happy white girl who loves hip-hop, collard greens and who bakes macaroni and cheese like a little old black woman. But to see a comment like "KILL THAT BLACK B TOO !" makes me heart sick. Folks, we're living in the 21st century! Enough of this shit already! We inherited a world where people are NOT equal. Race, religion and sexual orientation (among other things) lessen or increase a person's worth. Do you want your children to inherit the same world, or do you want to leave them a place that's better because you helped make it that way?

An aside: Don't think for one moment that I haven't considered myself at least partially responsible for the popularity of these articles. I can't refrain from CLICKING. I have to CLICK. My life will be so much better if I CLICK. So, yeah, I'm just exacerbating the problem here. I know it. I am, after all, a pop culture addict.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Book Review: The Blood That Bonds by Christopher Buecheler

The Blood That Bonds by Christopher Buecheler
- free download for Amazon Kindle as of July 10, 2011

"Her name was Two, and she sometimes thought she could smell her death."

With that opening line we begin the story of Two, whose real name is Ashley Majors. She is a heroin addicted teenage prostitute. It's almost impossible to feel anything but sympathy for her, as the opening scene has her on her hands and knees begging her pimp for her day's ration of  smack. We learn how Two ended up in this house of hell, and she immediately becomes the underdog we all want to win. 

Two's services are requested by the mysteriously dark and debonair Theroen who shows up to save her in a shiny black Ferrari. He takes her to a swanky Italian restaurant then drives her at breakneck speed away from New York and into the country where, unbeknownst to her, he turns her into a vampire.

Life at vampire central, although filled with luxury and priceless antiques, turns out to be anything but fabulous. Enter the villain of the story, a completely nutters master vampire called Abraham. Added to the mix are a Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde vampire named Melissa/Missy and a night walker named Tori that has almost completely regressed to a primal state as a result of the vampiric change.

The romantic arc between Two and Theroen does not always make sense. Although this writer believes in love at first sight, it would seem an impossibility that Two, as street-smart as she is, would not only fall head over heels in love with someone she just met, but the idea that she would trust him as completely as she does just  doesn't sit well. She should be suspicious of him, at the very least for turning her into a vampire without her consent.

And, although most of the characters and their relationships with others are well developed, we aren't told much about Abraham, other than that he's as powerful as a god and apparently as mean as a snake. 

With that said, the story itself was interesting and portrayed vampires as the human-hunting blood-thirsty beasts that I think they should be. The urge to hunt and kill is primal. They know they are the top of the food chain and they revel in it.

As events unfolded, I found myself alternately wanting to praise and throttle the writer. He takes us on roads that we don't expect to travel and the story itself is often the polar opposites of dark and gritty and bright and heartwarming. 

I'd recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a well written tale involving the darker side of vampires. I wouldn't necessarily consider this book to be a paranormal romance, as it doesn't seem that the romantic angle is the prominent plot point. It is important, but the main character's struggles are what's important in this story.

On a zero to five scale with zero being the worst, this book gets FOUR STARS!

Available for free (as of July 10, 2011) as a Kindle edition at

Book Review: A Reaper's Tale by Adam Slade

A Reaper's Tale by Adam Slade

One of the best things a writer can do, in my opinion, is to create, inside our mundane world, a place a lot less ordinary.  Adam Slade has accomplished this feat with ease and delivered a tale that is alternately intriguing and laugh-out-loud hilarious.

In A Reaper’s Tale, we are introduced to Mal, a Grim Reaper who manages to efficiently bumble his way through employment with The Company, and he is immediately likeable. Mal’s “bosses,” Xyla (a succubus complete with tail and horns) and Morgana (the ever-grumpy) make unscheduled appearances in Mal’s living room to hand out his assignments. Rounding out the cast are several demons, a few humans, some fresh souls and a cat named Charlie.

Mal is given an unusual reap in which the soul of the recently departed is an “undecided” that must face a tribunal to determine its final destination. The reap goes wrong and Mal ends up with the soul of his most recent assignment actually bonded to him. The soul that has been fused with him is apparently valuable to the Black Market and other nefarious villains and Mal soon finds himself running for his (un)life. What follows is unpredictable, hilarious and well written. Mr. Slade not only successfully develops his characters, but he manages to put them through plot twists that even seasoned readers won’t see coming.

A Reaper’s Tale is an awesome read from start to finish and I highly recommend it to anyone wanting a well told story. This book is hard to step away from and I actually found myself going back and re-reading my favorite passages.

On a zero to five scale with zero being the worst, this book gets FIVE STARS!

The Kindle version of A Reaper's Tale is available from Other digital versions can be found at Lyrical Press.
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