Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I am One Picky Bitch

Life is all about choices, and sometimes I take that to the extreme.

I didn't realize how much of a picky eater I am until I moved in with the Fletchers. I guess I'm just used to the way I eat. Then I thought about it, and realized that my pickiness worms its way into other parts of my life, too.

Here's a rather detailed rundown of my food weirdness.

- I don't like cold food on a plate with hot food. Though I'm less picky about it now, if someone makes me a plate and there is cole slaw touching mashed potatoes, I wouldn't eat any of it. Ditto with salad, applesauce or pickled beets.
- I will go to extreme lengths not to eat dark meat poultry. I will eat dark meat chicken if it's fried well done. For me this is a consistency issue. I don't like the greasiness.
- To that end, I will not, EVER, eat the fat part of a piece of steak, pork, ham, etc. It will make me gag.
- Though I love raisins, and I love oatmeal cookies, I do not want raisins in my oatmeal cookies. In fact, I do not want raisins in anything.
- I hate, hate, HATE onions, and will not eat a raw one. I will eat them cooked if they're mushy. I will, however, eat onion rolls, onion bagels and Funyuns. I like the flavor, but biting into a raw onion will make me throw up.
- The only kind of berry I will eat is a cranberry, and I rarely want those. Strawberries, blueberries and any other kind of berry do not make me happy. I think it's because the seeds in them are really gritty.
- I already mentioned onions, but I won't eat most popular condiments, either. Mustard, mayo, pickles, relish... no, no and more no. I will eat a sandwich dry, but do like ranch or blue cheese dressing on them, too. On a cheeseburger, I want lettuce and tomato only. On a hot dog, I prefer chili, cheese and cole slaw - the only way I'll eat cole slaw when it's touching something warm.
- I won't eat avocados, or anything made with them. Guacamole looks like baby shit and you couldn't pay me to eat it.
- The only way I'll eat artichokes is in spinach dip.
- I love squash and zucchini, but I do not want them cooked. I prefer them raw or stir fried until they are just hot. I won't eat them if they're mushy.
- I prefer veggies either fresh or frozen, but I will eat them from a can if I have to. I also do not want any veggie overcooked, especially broccoli, cauliflower or brussels sprouts.
- I traditionally don't like vanilla flavored anything. I used to call vanilla ice cream 'plain.'
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