Saturday, November 12, 2011

Music Review: Halestorm ~ Halestorm & Reanimate

This is another CD that is not new, yet new to me. I was actually looking through's suggestions based on The Pretty Reckless (whose debut album I absolutely loved). Amazon gave me link for Halestorm, and I listened to some of the available samples and that was all she wrote.

Halestorm's debut CD, appropriately called Halestorm (the Hale siblings are responsible for the naming of this band), was released in 2009 and peaked on the US chart at number 40. They had two singles break into the US top 10. The second CD in this review is called Reanimate: The Covers EP. It was released in March of this year and is pretty much a six song cover EP.

The first song I listened to on Halestorm was It's Not You, and I was hooked on the rest of the album. The music, though not exactly intricate by any stretch of the imagination, is solid and inspired. Though some of the reviews I've seen of the CD say that the lyrics are cliche, I didn't get that. This is a rock and roll album of exceptional caliber. I Get Off, Bet U Wish U Had Me Back and Love/Hate Heartbreak make me long for the days when we weren't force fed over processed "rock" acts (Nickelback, anyone?) and overtly sexual pop music made by teenagers. At times Lzzy Hale (not a typo) sounds like Anne or Nancy Wilson, sometimes she channels Joan Jett. Either way, this chick rocks. Hard. With cleats.

I picked up Reanimate after listening to their version of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. There is a cover of Guns N Roses' song Out Ta Get Me, and it rocks. They cover Skid Row's Slave to the Grind, Heart's All I Want To Do, Temple of the Dog's Hunger Strike and The Beatles' I Want You. All are killer tracks.

My only disappointment is that Halestorm will not be releasing new music until sometime next year. I'll just have to make due with what I have.

Halestorm: On a scale of zero to ten stars with zero being the worst, this album gets TEN STARS.
Reanimate: On a scale of zero to ten stars with zero being the worst, this album gets TEN STARS.

Buy Halestorm from
Buy Reanimate from

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Music Review: Five Finger Death Punch ~ American Capitalist

Five Finger Death Punch. I was a little excited about this CD and downloaded it on October 11th when it released. I am a relatively new 5FDP fan, having followed a YouTube link from my cousin's Face Book. I fell in love with them almost immediately and had to have both of their official albums, The Way of the Fist and War is the Answer. I loved them both in their entirety. I literally could not find a song on them that I didn't like. Which is why I was so excited over this new album.

And also why I was so disappointed.

Though American Capitalist is a good album, 5FDP set the bar pretty damned high with their first two albums. They created a standard by which all of their future releases will be judged.

From a metal standpoint, this record just does not "bring it," not for me anyway. IMO, it's too melodic. If I wanted to hear Linkin Park I'd shoot myself listen to Linkin Park. That's harsh, I know it.

There are a few songs on this CD that are mostly hard, namely Menace (excluding the chorus). My favorite song on the album is Coming Down. I did like the lead single, Under and Over It, which does pretty much set the tone for the rest of the album.

Again, I am not saying this is a bad record, it just isn't what I expected. Maybe I wanted too much, but I wanted the music that made me love this band. Not a commercial, radio friendly version of 5FDP. Regardless of what I've said here, this album is more than marginally better than anything labeled as rock or metal these days. I just hope this isn't a sign of what's to come with this band. I know the money and fame must be addictive, and I can't say what I'd do in this situation. I just feel a little let down.

On a scale of zero to ten stars, with zero being the worse, this album gets SEVEN STARS.

Buy American Capitalist by Five Finger Death Punch from

Five Reasons Why: You Should Watch AMC's The Walking Dead

Though you probably don't need any extra reasons to watch The Walking Dead (AMC @ 9:00 PM EST Sunday nights), I thought I'd think up a handful of reasons why you should if you don't already.

  1. ZOMBIES! Yeah. Everything is about zombies these days. Television, movies, books, graphic novels. Know what I have to say about that? 'BOUT DAMNED TIME. Though my first love will always be vampires, I've had enough of Count Sparkula and his roving gang of merry vegan vamps. Zombies only have one need: FOOD. They can't be reasoned with, they don't get tired or need to sleep, and they don't ever stop. This is why they're so damned terrifying. 
  2. Though zombies aren't an original idea, this series is. Adapted from a comic of the same name (available at an link near you), the show follows a band of survivors as they try to live through the end of the world. Their stories are real, as are their fears, hopes and dreams. 
  3. Daryl Dixon. Norman Reedus. FINALLY! It's cool to be a redneck! Every rag tag group of zombie apocalypse survivors needs one bad ass to get them through the throngs of the undead. I was afraid when we met Daryl that he was going to be a stereotypical redneck, and he is, but he has a lot of depth. And an itchy ass. I sometimes have trouble with wanting to call him Dime Bag, though. ;)
  4. The WTF moments. Also known as "they did NOT just do that!" The writers are doing a good job of giving us characters that we just love to hate. Though the characters are not stagnant or one-dimensional, the script often takes us to places that we didn't see coming. The last episode, well, I won't tell you who and I won't tell you how, but someone bought the big one in a way that has kept us talking all week.
  5. Excellent television programming. Most of the network stations are mired in sitcoms, reality shows, singing competitions and cop dramas. AMC dares to be different. Much like FX with Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead is waking people up and tuning them in to this channel. I can honestly say that I sincerely hope the trend continues. Some of us are sick of the crap that network tv thinks we want to watch.
Don't forget, Sundays at 9 EST on AMC. If you want to catch up on season one, it is available on NetFlix or you can buy the DVD boxed set from

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Blowing Mud

A while ago, I wrote a post about euphemisms for getting your period. Today we're going in a different, but equally disgusting direction. How can you tactfully say "I've got to shit" without making people nauseous.

My personal favorites are "the green apple splatters" and "bubble guts." I found some others that made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to have to "commit myself to the dumpatorium." Of course, you can always "storm the castle."

Euphemisms for taking a shit:

  • Download some mudware.
  • Fill the peanut butter jar
  • Hit paydirt
  • Make a grunt scuplture
  • Paint the bowl
  • Punish the porcelain
  • Sink the Bismark
  • Barbarians at the gate
  • Bunghole train has left the station
  • Contaminating the dog dish
  • Drilling for mud bunnies
  • Helping the ground hog find his shadow
  • Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages
  • Polluting the pond
  • Singing with Michael Bolton (?)
Euphemisms for diarrhea:
  • Brownie batter
  • Liquid bummer
  • The Schlitz
  • Code brown emergency
  • The Tijuana two-step
  • Number three (two plus one!)
  • The chunky sputters
Euphemisms for farting:
  • Anal salute
  • Let each little bean be heard
  • Rebuilding the ozone layer
  • Trouser cough
  • Barking spiders (if you stomp your feet when you fart, you can announce you're "killing the barking spiders")
You MUST read the "fart etiquette" part of this page.
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