Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Blowing Mud

A while ago, I wrote a post about euphemisms for getting your period. Today we're going in a different, but equally disgusting direction. How can you tactfully say "I've got to shit" without making people nauseous.

My personal favorites are "the green apple splatters" and "bubble guts." I found some others that made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to have to "commit myself to the dumpatorium." Of course, you can always "storm the castle."

Euphemisms for taking a shit:

  • Download some mudware.
  • Fill the peanut butter jar
  • Hit paydirt
  • Make a grunt scuplture
  • Paint the bowl
  • Punish the porcelain
  • Sink the Bismark
  • Barbarians at the gate
  • Bunghole train has left the station
  • Contaminating the dog dish
  • Drilling for mud bunnies
  • Helping the ground hog find his shadow
  • Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages
  • Polluting the pond
  • Singing with Michael Bolton (?)
Euphemisms for diarrhea:
  • Brownie batter
  • Liquid bummer
  • The Schlitz
  • Code brown emergency
  • The Tijuana two-step
  • Number three (two plus one!)
  • The chunky sputters
Euphemisms for farting:
  • Anal salute
  • Let each little bean be heard
  • Rebuilding the ozone layer
  • Trouser cough
  • Barking spiders (if you stomp your feet when you fart, you can announce you're "killing the barking spiders")
You MUST read the "fart etiquette" part of this page.


  1. Also, a fart can be said: A turd crying for help or release...

  2. *snort* I probably should have also included that holding your wife's head under the covers when you fart is grounds for divorce, too!


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