Found

My Grandma Mimi used to say "shit happens." She was right:



Taoism: 
Shit happens. 

Buddhism: 
If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam:If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: 
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism: 
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism: 
This shit happened before.

Catholicism: 
Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna: 
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism: 
Send more shit.

Atheism: 
No shit. 

Jehova's Witness: 
Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism: 
There's nothing like a good shit happening. 

Christian Science: 
Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism: 
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism: 
Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialism: 
What is shit anyway?

Stoicism: 
This shit doesn't bother me.