Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Celebrity Predictions for 2011

Since I already made a prediction that Lindsay Lohan will have financial trouble in 2011, I decided to make a list of celebrity predictions based solely on my own psychic ability and intuition. So here we go...

  1. Kim Kardashian- in the news lately for a new hair style. My prediction for her is that her hair will fall out from having so much done to it. Of course, knowing her, she'll make wigs an important fashion statement.
  2. Lindsay Lohan (prediction number two - boy is she lucky!) - has snorted so  much cocaine that they'll make a new, snortable drug named after her. LiLo will be all the rage among club goers. The worst side effect will be making virtually useless people seem important (but only for a short time).
  3. Lady Gaga - will be confused with the rarest of birds, the Alagoas Curassow and will be captured and put on display in the Washington National Zoo. Her neighbor, of course, will be the Bjork Swan.
  4. Beyonce will actually learn how to sing. I know. Shocking.
  5. Justin Bieber will grow a beard, his testicles will finally drop and he'll be confused with a Wookie.He will not be able to sing any of his previous releases, due to a voice that sounds uncannily like Joan Rivers.
  6. P!nk will have a little girl named Orange. (Since orange is the new pink.)
  7. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag will, unfortunately, be involved in a plane crash and land on a seemingly deserted island where a they will chase a smoke monster who is desperately trying to get away from their incessant, self-centered babbling.
  8. Gary Coleman will rise from the dead and become a hit on Broadway in a play titled "What You Talking 'Bout, Blood Bags." His co-star will be Alexander SkarsgÄrd, who will have dozens of nude scenes (thank goodness).
  9. George Clooney will move to a third-world country and teach all of it's inhabitants how to do that thing he does with his eyes. This will result in no one being able to deny the country anything and it becomes the richest nation in the world.
  10. Madonna will finally reach her work-out limit. Her muscles will develop brains of their own causing many problems when she tries to dance. People will liken her moves to Ashley Simpson's do-si-do on Saturday Night Live when she got caught lip-syncing.
  11. Kathy Griffin will finally become a C-List celebrity and be invited to Comedy Central Roasts. Her silicone breasts will, however, not be invited.
  12. Angelina Jolie will adopt four more children from as-yet unidentified countries. She will name them eeney, meany, miney and moe. 
  13. Tori Spelling will get yet another boob job and will compete with Heidi Montag for the title of "Useless Celebrity With The Biggest Useless Tits."
Well, there's my lucky thirteen. Happy New Year!


  1. Chris said Pink won't be able to write any songs about her daughter because nothing rhymes with orange :D

  2. Chris should have been writing this blog... lol. He's way funnier than I am.


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